Depression will affect one in four of us at some point in our lives. If depression is not being recognised then neither will be a suicidal intention. This blog is written to share my experience which will hopefully help others manage their own internal conflict.
Depression is defined as a mental condition, characterised by severe feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy typically accompanied by a lack of energy and interest in life that then affects everyday functioning.
There are a number of depressive disorders, the classification of which depends on the length of time and the level of severity.
So, whether we are treating mild or severe forms of depression there are areas that need to be considered such as biological and genetic internal factors as well as external factors such as loss, grief, along with environmental and early life experiences.
There is no one typical experience of depression, but what we do know is depression affects the way we think, feel and function and it is a difficult condition to manage and live with.
I became depressed when I was diagnosed with Scleroderma. I believed I had been given a death sentence, it became hard for me to articulate clearly and remember things. My thought processes became jumbled and I became trapped in a cycle of rumination. I became withdrawn and got lost in unhealthy thought processes and considered suicide as a solution.
At the time I found counselling and medication to be a huge help. I have since learnt that my illness does not define me. I am my thoughts, my emotions, my actions and my reactions. All of these are in my here and now self-awareness and these I am able to control.
The condition I have is my present life situation – it is not my life.
This realisation has been empowering and an informative and an instrumental part of my journey. I choose now to live in the present and do not allow myself to be controlled by external factors, my ego or my unconscious thoughts.
I believe we all have the ability to activate and control the conscious part of our brain and, unless we have a cognitive impairment, we can change unhelpful patterns which cause inner conflict and reactive behaviour.
Before feelings of depression envelop you and you reach a state of hopelessness, when giving up and suicide becomes an appealing option, please seek help and support whether it be talking therapies, medication, meditation or hospitalisation.
Be well, Pip.