Coping with flare ups and the bad days.

Coping with my Autoimmune diseases is work in progress, no two days are the same.

One day I can wake up feeling physically and emotionally okay, on these days I manage basic tasks, showering, getting dressed making a cup of tea and pottering around.

On a bad day when I have a flare up (I feel like a tourniquet has a strangle hold on me, my joints swell and are painful to touch). My body feels like I have been run over by a heard of galloping wilder-beast (metaphorically speaking) on these days basic tasks are virtually impossible, getting out of bed and standing are a huge effort. My arms and legs feel so heavy and walking is painful.

In the early stages of my disease, waking up to a flare up or a bad day was extremely upsetting and frustrating, I would burst into tears and become very morose. My thought process would turn into persistent circular thinking and rumination. I would think about it. And think about it. All this thinking did, was deepen my sense of helplessness and depression I would become irrational and beat myself up internally.

• Had I eaten or drunk something that disagreed with me?
• Had I done too much the previous day?
• What had I done to trigger this episode?

Breaking my pattern of circular thinking and rumination was very hard and I still struggle with it.

I am learning to turn down the volume of my thoughts, I do this by distracting my self with an book or a movie. (I now listen to audio books as turning pages and holding a book is difficult) I stay in bed and rest, if I need to up my pain relief or vitamin intake then I will. I try not to be too hard on myself, and I am slowly learning to ask for help from family and friends. A bad day is just that, a bad day, flare ups happen, if I knew why they happened then I would win the Noble Prize for insight into Autoimmune Diseases.

The word acceptance does not sit well with me. I don’t believe I ever will accept my disease, instead, I try to adjust to it and manage the symptoms as best I can. For now it is highlighting that this disease is not like anything else and is completely unique, I will cover this in more detail in following posts. Your comments have so far been overwhelming and provide me with further motivation to continue this blog, if you have any further comments I would love to hear from you.